Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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