Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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