My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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