I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
