How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
