i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
