frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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