Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
