i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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