I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
