You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
