Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
