So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
