Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This baby is an asshole
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
