I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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