He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize