Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize