Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
