Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize