i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
