oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
