Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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