: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
