i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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