my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
