dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
