Your face is a jimmy john
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
