Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She bit a glass in half.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
