I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
