You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm at about main and main street
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
