is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
