i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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