Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
