I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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