I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
