So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
