there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
