Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
