I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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