oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
