I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
