Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
