I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
