So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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