you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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