ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
