my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
