Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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