either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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