mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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