update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
