Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
