he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
