Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
