i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
