Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
