i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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