If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
