What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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