The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can't special order awesome
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police