I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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