OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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