Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Experience is the best teacher

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  (810): You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish (248): Experience is the best teacher http://tfl.nu/l23g
  Replies (2) Good night (1844) Bad night (787)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.

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  (479): Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships. http://tfl.nu/he2q
  Replies (70) Good night (1843) Bad night (2803)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.

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  (630): This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass. http://tfl.nu/p9f8
  Replies (10) Good night (1303) Bad night (2698)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!

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  (717): I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?! http://tfl.nu/77lq
  Replies (7) Good night (1091) Bad night (3056)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?

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  (678): Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up? http://tfl.nu/320o
  Replies (10) Good night (2934) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Champagne is a vitamin, right?

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  (904): Champagne is a vitamin, right? http://tfl.nu/gkox
  Replies (4) Good night (2381) Bad night (1087)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.

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  (623): Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight. http://tfl.nu/ky5x
  Replies (3) Good night (2103) Bad night (1353)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it

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  (774): Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down? (978): I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it http://tfl.nu/io4i
  Replies (6) Good night (1227) Bad night (488)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.

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  (786): tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected. http://tfl.nu/x54o
  Replies (1) Good night (471) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.

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  (734): Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password. http://tfl.nu/ih1a
  Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (419)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...

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  (520): Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour... http://tfl.nu/y7yu
  Replies (5) Good night (375) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"

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  (260): I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby" http://tfl.nu/6cul
  Replies (0) Good night (691) Bad night (323)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone

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  (248): I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/qvsu
  Replies (0) Good night (767) Bad night (454)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.

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  (520): So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have. http://tfl.nu/rbrl
  Replies (3) Good night (416) Bad night (490)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Why can't burritos get me drunk

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  (806): Why can't burritos get me drunk http://tfl.nu/wd3d
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (217)

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