I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
