I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin