Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.