I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.