TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza