So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
