I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize