You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
