I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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