GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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