I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What a dumb baby whore.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
