I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
