And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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