I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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