Swine flu is the new snow day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
