There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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