she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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