I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
