2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
