im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Can Purell be used as lube?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
