Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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