i think i have herpe
just one?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
