Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
